BNHA, Bakudeku COW-T #10 - week 6, mission 2
Prompt: Ko no Yokan
2906 parole
Deku knows he’s gonna love Kacchan when he’s only four.
It’s called Ko no Yokan, the sense, the premonition, upon seeing a person for the first time that you are gonna fall in love with them.
And maybe Izuku is four and he’s so little he doesn’t know what it means to love - to really love - but maybe it doesn’t matter either.
Because Izuku just knows it.
Maybe that’s his quirk, he wonders. Maybe he can predict the future, even if it’s for something so trivial as who’s falling in love with whom. Not the best quirk for a hero, but there are different ways to save people, after all.
Izuku’s four and to him that’s as good as super strength or flying or telekinesis. His quirk is his quirks whatever it is, or so his mother said.
Of course, that happens before.
That happens before Kacchan develops his quirk.
That happens before Izuku doesn’t manifest his and before his mother brings him to a doctor and before said doctor tells him he will never manifest one.
Izuku cries and cries and cries and his mother hugs him and tells him she’s sorry, so sorry.
But he doesn’t stop believing in his Ko no Yokan, doesn’t reject what he felt, the extracorporeal sensation of knowing, just knowing without an ounce of doubt.
It may not be his quirk, but it is his, nonetheless.
* * *
Deku is seven, or eight, he doesn’t remember exactly - he still hasn’t developed the habit of writing everything down - but he remembers it was summer.
He remembers it was almost lunchtime and the park was empty, all kids already home to eat. The park was empty, except for him and Kacchan.
By that moment he already knows Kacchan doesn’t want him to call him that nickname anymore, but to Izuku, Kacchan will always be Kacchan.
“Leave me alone, Deku,” he snarls and his palms blaze alive with fire, the noise of his little explosions filling the silence of the park.
Izuku recoils and takes a step back, trips on a rock or a root or whatever and falls.
His Ko no Yokan seems so far away now, almost a dream, almost a figment of his imagination. Izuku is hurt and he feels betrayed and tears wells up in his eyes.
It wasn’t supposed to go like this.
But maybe it’s for the better if he realizes it now - he doesn’t have a quirk, it was just a foolish thought he had convinced himself to believe as real…
“Deku, are you hurt?” Kacchan asks, and Izuku is tempted, so tempted, to snarl a ‘no’ back at him, back at Bakugou.
But there’s some concern in his eyes, and that’s it. He understands.
Izuku is seven, or eight, and he understands what he felt. He realizes how painfully true his Ko no Yokan was.
To Kacchan, Izuku will always be Deku.
The Deku one.
He shakes his head and Kacchan offers him his hand, sweaty and warm. “Then let’s go home.”
Izuku takes it and Kacchan hurls him up and doesn’t let go if him as they head home.
If he wants a prince, he needs to be the damsel in distress.
* * *
Deku is… what now? Eleven?
He doesn’t want to remember it.
He had almost hoped his birthday wouldn’t come.
He knew about his joint, he knew about that damning presence sentencing him to be quirkless, he knew, ok? But still, he had hoped…
Ten years old is the limit for manifesting a quirk. That’s as far as “late bloomers” go. Ten years.
No records over that age.
And now Deku is eleven.
Maybe there are some unrecorded cases of children developing quirks later. Maybe at the hospital, they registered his birth date wrongly and now he has some more months to hope.
Maybe he should just give up and make his peace with his quirklessness.
Kacchan smiles and laughs and shows off, his power increased by age and use, more focused and efficient.
Izuku - Deku - looks from the margin of the group crowded around him and wonders what would it be like to be the one at the center.
Izuku is almost starting to believe it. That he’s not enough.
Kacchan is brilliant, Kacchan in amazing, Kacchan is a shining star and Deku… Deku is just an asteroid floating in the atmosphere without a clue.
There must be something he can do to be his equal.
If he wants a prince, he needs to be the damsel in distress.
He’s quite fed up with playing the role, though.
* * *
Deku is fourteen and Kacchan is yelling and shouting and exploding.
Nothing is new. Nothing is different.
Kacchan doesn’t laugh at him, Kacchan never did - not actually believing it, and maybe that’s worse.
Because Kacchan had laughed at him - at his stupid dream of applying to U.A., at his stupid dream of becoming a hero - not because he really thought he was an idiot, but because he wanted to hurt him.
And hurt him he did, as he punished him for daring to stand up, to wander from a path Kacchan didn’t even know existed.
Why are you defying me? Why do you think you can be more than me? His eyes had asked at every word spoken, every crooked smile and cutting smirk.
I’m not, I just want to be like you, Izuku had wanted to reply. I just want to be worth.
So Deku is fourteen and Kacchan is yelling and shouting and exploding and nothing is new, nothing is different and it will never be.
This is what they are.
Izuku wonders if the love that wants you to play the damsel in distress it’s worth it.
Izuku wonders if it’s really love.
Izuku doubts his Ko no Yokan
* * *
Deku is fifteen, watching the Kacchan’s back as he walks away hurt and angry and feeling like Izuku has betrayed him and lied to him and Izuku can’t do anything to stop him because he can’t give away All Might’s secret, not even to Kacchan.
It doesn’t matter that Kacchan doesn’t have any right to be angry at him - he never had, and still, here they have always been.
It doesn’t matter that after all they went through - the bitter laughs and the tears, the yelling and the covering, the snarls and the pleads - Kacchan should just shoulder this because it doesn’t cover even half of what he did to Izuku, it’s not even payback.
It doesn’t matter because Izuku just wants to run after him and hug him and spill it, telling him everything - about All Might, about his quirk, about his struggles, about his need to be his equal.
Izuku can’t, Izuku won’t, and Kacchan just walks away, feeling something he’s not entitled to feel.
Izuku is a fool for believing they would ever fell in love.
This was always meant to be just him.
* * *
Deku shouldn’t.
It’s probably unwise to choose that as his name.
Deku.
The word has a strange taste on his tongue, as he rolls it in his mouth trying to make it his.
Deku.
He sees the sparkle in Kacchan’s eyes when he shows his Hero name to the classroom, sees the ever-present anger and the smirk and the challenge.
Yes, you are a Deku, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be something more? Is it that?
Izuku straightens his back and hardens his gaze.
Yes. Yes, it’s that. I’ll never leave you behind, I’ll never forget. But that doesn’t mean I’ll just stay down where you want me.
He never wanted to be a damsel in distress and he won’t be.
If Kacchan needs someone to save, that’s not him anymore.
* * *
Deku is fifteen and going and his arms are a mess of scars and broken bones and shredded tendons, barely recovered.
Don’t come, had said - asked, pleaded - Kacchan.
But he had to, hadn’t he?
He couldn’t leave him.
“I told you not to come! Why do you never listen to me?!” Kacchan yells and closes his hands in fists and they will fight, of course, they will - but not now.
“Wouldn’t you have come for me?”
Kacchan doesn’t reply, but Izuku doesn’t need him to.
If there’s just one thing he’s sure about, it’s that.
* * *
Deku has six quirks now, even if he doesn’t actually know what most of them are or how to use them.
Izuku knows Kacchan would feel threatened, but Kacchan doesn’t.
Kacchan looks at him and brags - loud and aggressively smug - that he’s still the best, because he can already fly with his explosion and Nana Shimura’s Float quirk is still inaccessible to Izuku.
Deku smiles, cutting edges and a knowing glint. “You win. For now.”
And Kacchan hardens his gaze and smirks back. “Bring it on.”
All Might shakes his head and withholds a laugh.
Ah, those two.
* * *
Deku holds his side, blood spilling in his hand and Kacchan growls. “Hold still.”
Kacchan swats away his hand and peels off the green costume, soaked in blood, from his skin, cutting it away to see the wound.
“I don’t need it,” Izuku argues, as the other starts to disinfect it.
“Yes, you do.”
“Your arm is in worst shape!”
It’s not. The red slash on his bicep is just as bad as Izuku’s cut - both bloody but just superficial.
“I don’t care,” Kacchan pointedly passes the alcohol imbued cotton on his skin and Izuku jumps on the spot.
“I do.”
“Then let me tend to this, first.”
“Will you let me tend to yours after?”
Kacchan stills and Izuku is ready for the rejection.
Kacchan doesn’t need help.
Never.
Least of all from Deku.
“Fine. Now just hold still.”
Katsuki lets Izuku save him, and maybe, maybe, they both can be the prince.
* * *
Deku kisses him and just expects to be pushed away, thrown across the room with explosions still ringing in his ears.
Instead, Kacchan melts against his mouth, leans in and grip his back, pressing into his arms.
“You stupid nerd,” he breathes over his mouth, “you just had to almost die, didn’t you?”
Izuku can hear his voice stumbling over the words as he tightens his hug.
“Only almost die.”
“Someday you’re gonna leave me alone,” Kacchan lets out, so quiet in admitting his weakness.
“Never.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“No, I can’t,” Izuku holds him, “But you can promise to save me.”
“I can’t promise that either,” Kacchan hides his face in his hairs. “What if…”
Izuku chuckles. “Are you telling me you would allow anything or anyone to stop you? You?”
There’s some challenge in his voice because Kacchan could never resist a challenge.
“You are the best, Kacchan. Or am I wrong?”
“You are just a shitty nerd.”
They stay like this, hugging each other, sweaty and bloody from the fight, with clothes torn and dirty and the damn noise of sirens in the distance.
“Kacchan…”
“What?”
“Someday you are gonna leave me alone.”
“I’ve already tried,” Kacchan smiles tiredly. “I’ve tried so much to leave you behind and you wouldn’t let me. What makes you think I will ever succeed?”
Izuku wants to shake his head and laugh and punch him because he’s serious.
“I’m stuck with you. And you are stuck with me.” Kacchan kisses him.
Izuku can think of worse things than being stuck with him.
Deku says: “I knew it all along.”
“What?”
“That we would end up like this.”
“You knew?”
“Yes, it was like… looking at the horizon and seeing a house and knowing that if you kept walking down the path, you were gonna get there.”
Sometimes I was afraid of reaching it, though. Of getting there and finding it empty.
He doesn’t add it.
“I knew it too.”
“You did?”
* * *
Kacchan is four and the boy in front of him is as well.
“I’m Izuku,” the boy says and Katsuki doesn’t quite know what to make of his name so it becomes Deku, instead.
“I’m Katsuki,” he replies, proud of himself for having managed to say it right, and watches as the boy struggles with the syllables.
“Hi, Kacchan!”
Katsuki smiles and knows it, with the certainty and naivety of a four years old boy.
I’m gonna protect you. I gonna become a hero and protect you, then we’ll marry and we’ll be happy.
Of course, that happens before.
That happens before Katsuki develops his quirk.
That happens before Deku doesn’t manifest his and before his mother brings him to a doctor and before said doctor tells him he will never manifest one.
Katsuki gets angry and growls because it isn’t fair - he was supposed to have the more amazing quirk but Deku was supposed to have one too, and now they can’t be heroes together.
Except, Deku wants to be a hero nonetheless, wants to save people while smiling, exactly as All Might, wants to do all the adventures and all the dangers and all the risks and he wants to do them without a quirk.
So Katsuki gets mean and snarls because, no, where does he wanna go with no quirk and lots of villains ready to kill him?
As Deku persists in dreaming of retorting the natural state of things, Katsuki grows angry and frustrated. He laughs at him and hurts him, puts him down, because if he’s quirkless that’s where he belongs, in the crowd of perfectly safe civilians.
If he’s quirkless how is Katsuki supposed to protect him?
Then Deku develops a quirk - did he lie? why hadn’t he told him? why did it hurt so much? - and Katsuki walks away, tries to put some distance - he shouldn't feel betrayed, he shouldn’t care.
Izuku doesn’t need protection anymore - doesn’t want protection - even if his quirk is tearing apart his body, leaving broken bones behind every time Deku activates it.
Deku.
Because that’s his name, now.
Deku, his childhood nickname, but also his mockery.
Katsuki shouldn’t feel that sting in his chest, hearing other people calling him that. If he only could understand what that choice of a name means, what is the message.
Yes, you are a Deku, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be something more? Is it that?
The hardened gaze in Deku’s eyes, replies to him. Yes. Yes, it’s that. I’ll never leave you behind, I’ll never forget. But that doesn’t mean I’ll just stay down where you want me.
Katsuki would growl but it’s not his place. He growls nonetheless because screw appropriateness.
Deku doesn’t do what he tells him, he never did and he never will.
Katsuki knows his friend, and he knows, when that villain’s hand closes over his nape, dragging him through a portal, that his words - his ‘don’t come’ - will go unheard and he curses himself.
So before they get recollected by the school, when All Might is just coughing up blood and shrinking on a giant screen in front of everyone, Katsuki closes his hands in fists, suppressing the need to explode something.
“I told you not to come! Why do you never listen to me?!” he yells and refuses to cry and yells some more because usually when he feels anger, he doesn’t feel anything else.
This time it doesn’t work though.
His chest hurts and All Might is fallen and Izuku could have died too, and it’s all his fault.
“Wouldn’t you have come for me?” Izuku asks.
Yes.
Of fucking course, I would have.
Katsuki wants to scream that it’s not the same thing.
But it is.
Deku is a hero in training, same as him.
Same as him.
So when Deku gets six quirks and almost gets killed by wielding them, Katsuki doesn’t mock him or punch him. He just brags that he’s still the best, because he can already fly while Deku can’t, and when Deku looks back at him and bites back with a “You win. For now.” his heart flutters in his chest.
He doesn’t like the sensation, but maybe he could get used to it.
“Bring it on,” Katsuki smirks back.
And maybe that’s an understatement, because Deku does it: he brings it on and over the top, but Katsuki is always there, at his side or right behind him, waiting to reach for him, or just racing in front of him, hoping to gain a little more ground before Deku outperforms again.
They reach this dynamic equilibrium and it’s all Katsuki could want - could hope to get.
Until Deku kisses him and shatters said equilibrium, and throws Katsuki off his balance because he knew where this was going, he knew it all along, he had just assumed when he reached the house at the horizon it would have been empty.
What did he do after all to deserve Deku, except pushing him away?
Deku bites his lips and smiles and Kacchan shakes his head.
“Are you already at the house?” Izuku asks.
“Not yet. Are you?”
“Not yet.”
“Care to walk the remaining path together?” Katsuki asks, his heart beating furiously in his chest.
Deku takes his hand and Kacchan holds it.
“Of course.”