Five times Tony screwed up literally and metaphorically (and one time he still did, but just literal

[danzanelfuoco]

MCU 

Tony Stark/Loki 

COW-T #12, w3, m4: Millionaire playboy 

1565 wordcount 

Five times Tony screwed up literally and metaphorically (and one time he still did, but just literally)  

I. Tony Stark doesn’t need a lecture about things he shouldn’t do, he needs a whole University class dedicated to him and on how not to screw your life over.
Corollary on: how not to do so by screwing one of Earth’s worst nightmares. 

The thing is, when Tony Stark - genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, you know the drill - is threatened he recurs to sarcasm, irony and witty remarks. Really it’s not his fault if that’s also the way he flirts. Somebody should really cut him so slack.
And, if he might add in his defense, he didn’t know being a sarcastic jerk was also Loki’s way of flirting so that they went from trying to up each other, escalating while trying to make the other feel uncomfortable to the point when the ended up actually kissing and hate fucking on every surface of the lounge for hours. 

Not his fault, even if, honestly, Tony should have expected a god to have that much stamina. 

II. Tony Stark is very very smart - genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and really are we still hung on that definition? It was a smart ass remark he had done once to spite Captain Popsicle. 

Anyway, Tony Stark is very very smart, so it’s a given he should learned faster than other people - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me, and all that shit.
So how come had he managed to end up in this situation again?  

“It’s because 

“Modest.” 

“You did worship me quite a lot tonight.”
“I don’t call that worshipp- wait a second, is that the way you do it? Because if that’s so, I’ve prayed at the wrong church all this time.” 

“You don’t pray, Stark.” 

“True,” Tony nods, “Still, I could be swayed.”
“Could you?” Loki looks at him with a calculating glance and no, no, abort mission, he can see his thoughts heading down the wrong route. 

“Hey, hold your horses, Shakespeare in Love. You can’t fuck me to your side of the barricade, do you realize?” 

“Of course,” Loki’s still looking at him, and Tony really hopes he’s agreeing to the fact that he won’t be swayed, ever. Like not even in a million years. Why does it sound like ‘of course, I can’? 

“I have principles,” Tony reiterates, just to make it clear. 

Loki hums, and looks at their naked bodies on the bed - at least this time they made it to the bed - as if indicating what he really thinks of the moral fiber of his principles, but spares him any comment. 

Thank him for small mercies. 

III. If one is an accident and twice is a coincidence, then three is a pattern, and Tony has just fallen into one hook, line and sinker. 

Maybe he’s not that bad - because Tony Stark is also a skillful liar, and the person he lies best to is himself.
Maybe it’s not that bad, if Loki’s with him, he surely can’t be out there destroying half the city or planning to take over the world.
Sure Loki can multiply himself - three is the magic number - but Tony’s almost sure that his clones can act on the physical realm just in close range to the original Loki and even then he’s sure enough of himself to know that when he does that thing with his tongue even a god cannot resist him - hey, ‘modest’ wasn’t in the job description. 

And oh, look at him, he’s also collecting intel on the enemy’s abilities. 

Maybe it’s not that bad. Hey, maybe it’s even a good thing. (A fool, he’s a fool, but it’s a thin line between genius and insanity). 

IV. It goes all well until it doesn’t. 

He should have seen it coming, he should have expected some fallout, but Tony is just that much of an optimist. 

There are the Avengers there and they caught him hands in the cookie jar - where the cookie jar is Loki and Tony has his hands in him. 

Then Loki disappears, one moments he’s sprawled under him, moaning in his ear how good he his, clutching his muscles around his cock, clawing at his shoulder as he rocks in time with him, and then - 

“What the fuck?” Steve asks, his best impression of the ‘I’m clutching my pearls’ meme Tony has showed him some days before. 

“Do you mind?” 

Which probably isn’t the best answer he could get, because Steve’s looking at him as if he were about to explode - a sane persone doesn’t get found in bed with one of humanity worst enemy and then just asks for some privacy, but then again, a sane person probably wouldn’t have slept with Loki in the first place. 

- and then Loki’s gone, vanished from under his fingers, and Tony’s left with a bunch of Avengers to deal with, trying to explain to them why he was having sex with Loki of all people. 

As he tries to make it clear to Natasha that no, he doesn’t have that much of a death wish, he can’t help but think that this could have gone another way if Loki had wanted so. He could have made them invisible, while they kept fucking mere inches by Captain America (Tony’s sure this is something Loki would have enjoyed immensely) or he could have left before he could be seen, or he could have told him, or. 

No, he wanted to be found out, he wanted the Avengers to know and Tony to be in deep shit. And oh, how his plan worked. 

V. There’s an internal trial and they pinpoints him to be mentally controlled. Loki never could with his scepter, and Tony’s pretty sure that it was all him and his bad decision making skills that screw it up. Still, they think that him denying it and taking all the blame is a serious proof that he was actually manipulated into thinking so. It wouldn’t be the first time, even if Wanda’s power and Loki’s powers are nothing alike and he should know because he has experimented both of them on his skin and isn’t that amazing how as soon as he gives them some casual intel on Loki’s magic Shield is suddenly much more keen in keeping him free?

It also doesn’t go unnoticed that Tony might have been delusional, but Loki’s attacks on Earth, from a purely statistic standpoint, have drastically reduced. 

They don’t know if that’s a pattern, because that’s just six months, and it doesn’t mean anything in the long run, but it’s also undeniable that just one artifact theft in an Oslo museum in six months is almost boy scout behavior for Loki. 

Tony doesn’t know what to think about it, but Thor vouches for him - Tony would have expected the shovel talk, but considering the ‘I love you, my brother, why won’t you come back to the good side?’ puppy expression Thor always gets when he thinks about anything even remotely connected with Loki, maybe the god of thunder just hopes that Tony could fuck him to their side of the barricade instead of the other way around. And oh, well, maybe that’s a plan that Tony could put in action. 

After all, Tony is really confident of that thing he can do with his tongue. 

+1 

"If you talk again about my brother in such a venue, I shall evirate you and then proceed to lead an alien invasion on a city of your choice." 

Tony stops nibbling at his ear and doesn't comment on the fact that Loki has referred to Thor as 'brother'. 

“Of my choice?”
“I am that magnanimous.”

"Ok, ok, no talking about work in bed," he says and wickedly smiles before licking a stripe of skin, following the column of his neck. 

"It's not work," Loki points out, but doesn't throw him out of the window, so Tony makes the most from what he has. He could be petty and obnoxious and going on telling him that yes, it is, but Tony knows his limits. 

"Fine, no talking about rehabilitative programs and what you are doing to help us, but that is totally not a foot in to the initiative," Tony goes on, because, who is he kidding, of course he won't let him have the last word - he also knows his own limits. 

"Do you realize that telling me Thor would be so happy to have me there is actually a deterrent to join your useless Avengers thing, right?" Loki asks as if Tony where stupid - hello, uh, genius, anybody? 

"I do, but I also hoped to give you an incentive to stay that was way bigger than whatever counterpoint you could have." 

"Bigger, eh?" 

Tony licks his lips in reply. 

"Oh, Stark, you are not that good."

"Yes, sure," Tony doesn't let his grin falter, after all he was really good enough to bring him to their side, and decides to let it go, "Let's just see if that's true.”